Comfort zone

Recently, I was working on labor and delivery on call. We had just delivered a healthy baby but the mom had a tear in a location that was a bit unusual. Now I have repaired several of these tears before but the resident that I was working with had never done it.  I gave him general instructions on how to do the repair but I could tell that he was a little bit nervous. It took a long time but eventually he repaired it and it looked really nice. He turned to me though and said "man I really don't like doing that kind of repair. I like the other one so much better." I turned to him and said "well if you only did what was in your comfort zone, you would never learn anything." He thought for a second and said "you're right." He learned a new skill that day and while he might not use it that often, when it comes again he's going to know what to do. He will also feel a lot more comfortable doing it.

Of course that is a lot like life. Sometimes we get complacent and happy to be where we are. We do what we like to do, we know how to do it, it feels comfortable to do it, and so we go on like that. However, it is when we reach out of our comfort zone that we expand ourselves and we learn more. We must strive to become better than what we are to experience the fullness that God has planned for us.

Right now I am in the midst of this situation. It would be so much easier to just stay in my comfort zone, do what I know how to do, and keep doing it comfortably. I do believe however that God has called me to do something different. It means a change of scenery, change of plans, a change of place, literally uprooting my family from everything they know and they are comfortable with doing. That kind of growth is exciting but also scary and intimidating. There's a lot that has to happen before changes can be effective and sometimes it so much easier to just stay where we are and keep doing what we know how to do. One thing about change is that it always comes with uncertainty. Unless we are willing to go out on a limb sometimes, we won't reap the rewards of our efforts.

Thinking back to biblical days, there were so many situations were people did not know what was going to happen to them. They couldn't do research on the Internet  to know the logical conclusion of their actions. They just had to trust God and do it. In those days people left home and never knew if they would ever return. People had babies and fully expected that they might not survive  the process. Peole were called by God all the time to do things outside their comfort zone. They were asked to go please, to do things sometimes even to love people that they didn't know. One thing that's constant about this world is that it is ever changing. We must lean on God and trust that he will make our paths go in the direction that we are intended to go. Only when we realize that with God all things truly are possible but without him everything that we do is pointless do we live to our full potential.

Time..

So these days, I find myself contemplating time, a lot. I doubt I am unique in this pursuit and imagine this subject is fuel for much change and self invention. As many have likely observed it seems that the less time you feel you have left,  the more precious it becomes. Sometimes I look at my sweet children as I tuck them in for bed. Part of me is grateful that it is indeed time for bed but part of me often lingers at the door, catching another glimpse, knowing that when they wake up they will be another day older. Days turn is to years and babies turn into teenagers.

Yesterday we took the time as a family to go to Great wolf lodge in the Wisconsin Dells. It had been several years and with all that we have had going on it seemed like a fitting retreat. The boys were thrilled  with our room, a "kids cabin." They had their own sleeping area with bunk beds. We only stayed one night but we packed a lot in. Waterpark, MagiQuest, arcade, gift shop for Avram's obligatory stuffy, more waterpark, dinner out, etc. Since this was the weekend before Halloween they also had some themed activities. The boys donned their costumes and went trick or treating in the hotel followed by a monster dance party. This was one of those moments where we observe Kade caught in time. He's only 9 but undoubtably already feels pressure to not be a little kid, to be "cool." As Avram danced like a madman with his signature quick feet, Kade stood on the side, slightly nodding his head to the beat. Finally, I grabbed him, pulled him out on the floor and dragged him around dancing. He nervously looked around but luckily finding no one he knew, he loosened up and began to dance. We had a great time, dancing around to Monster Mash and teeny bopper songs, Lynnea in my arms. When she got tired, I took a little break. As I stood there watching them, again my mind wandered to the subject of time. I wanted to hold that moment as long as I could. Two silly little boys, my little boys, enjoying themselves like little boys should.

Introducing... Lynnea Marie!

So I thought it was about time to rejuvenate this old blog. A lot has changed since I was on here last. Most notably the addition of one more child! I guess technically this blog should called Kade Avram and Lynnea! Lynnea was born in November 2012. She has been such an amazing blessing to our family. The boys have taken to her really well and love their little sis. I can't believe she is almost a year old. The last year has been filled with such joy and anticipation as we have watched her develop and grow. She has truly healed my heart and giving me so much happiness.

When I went into labor, Kade was actually at school. He had really wanted to attend the birth of his sister. I knew as soon as the contractions started that this was going to be another fast one. Luckily, I was able to call a neighbor who picked him up from school and brought him home. He got to be here after all! He was so funny coming in and out of the room, he was great comic relief. When Avram got home from school, he was a bit more reluctant. When he came into the room, Lynnea was screaming her little head off. He was instantly intimidated and basically walked right back out. It took him a good week to warm up. He actually didn't even hold her until she was a week old. His little neighbor friend was going to come over and I said to him Avram, Caden is coming over and he's going to want to hold your baby. Are you sure that you want him to hold your baby before you have held your baby? Instantly he said "I want to hold her." There was no looking back after that moment. Avram has tightly bonded to her. He loves to make her laugh and play with her. Both of the boys delight in her new developments. Whenever she gets a new trick they are equally excited.  They are really wonderful brothers!

Look who's 4!!!!

Summer flies

I can not believe that it is July already! The kids are sprouting up, Avram has gotten taller and so has Kade. The last few weeks have been really busy. Work has been busy and also our summer has been filled with weddings, family and a lot of fun. This year has continued to have a lot of pressing concerns that remain like an undercurrent just beneath the surface. We are doing our best to keep our heads up and enjoy the time we have with our boys.

The last Saturday of June, we finished a wedding and came home to last minute packing. We packed up our new trailer and headed to Northern Wisconsin, to the village of St. Germain. I had not been in that area for many years and it was really beautiful. Driving up, the road began to gradually become more hilly as we ventured North through Steven's Point and Wausau. The trees became taller and more dense and there were a few vast valley views to appreciate. When we arrived at our destination, the kids set right in to playing with their cousins and having a great time. We stayed at Hiller's Pine Haven resort on Little Saint Germain Lake with Loren, Karen, Wendy, Monte and all the kids. The time went really fast and even though we were there for 6 nights we did not feel ready to leave at the end! We had a great time. Our little cottage, named "Chipmunk Hollow" was the perfect size for us, especially since the kids barely saw it! Avram especially wanted to spend every second he could outdoors. The kids were constantly filthy, smeared with dirt and gooey with marshmallow and smelling like the bright sunfish and bluegills that they played with.

Kade really suprised me with his diligence and patience for fishing. One thing that really helped, of course, was the abundance of panfish. A lot were small but he had the fun of catching many, many fish. One night, I took Avram and Kade out on the little fishing boat that came with our cottage. As we zoomed through the still water, we pulled into a little cove to try our luck there. It seemed that we caught a fish with every cast! Even though it was getting dark, Kade did not want to stop - it was always "5 more minutes" or 2 more casts. He was so patient and had such a look of pride on his face when pulling up his prize!

We spent a lot of time just relaxing and hanging out with the family. I wish my parents would have been able to come. I think they really would have enjoyed it. One day, we went to a petting farm that had a variety of animals for the kids to pet - kittens, bunnies, a dog, burros, even deer. At one point, a goat to a liking to Christy and started to chase her around the farmyard. He was trying to nibble at her and steal the carrots out of her bag. She yelled, "Avram help me!" Of course, she was kidding but Avram did not hesitate for a second. It was hilarious. He sprung into action and ran inbetween Christy and the goat and assumed a sumo-like pose, his little legs spread, knees bent, fists in the air and proceeded to shimmy around in that pose, blocking the goat from getting close. At one point, I thought he was going punch the goat and I had to tell him no! Later he told me he was intending to wrestle him!

Brothers!

First Day of Kindergarden!!

Kade was so excited about his first full day of Kindergarden! Dan and I were happy for him too of course, but it is still hard to see our little guy get on that great big bus and ride away! Here he is, complete with his new backpack, ready to jump on that bus!

Kade is so smart and sweet! He is super talkative so the house is going to be a lot quieter. At least, until Avram starts to fill in the gap. He has already started talking more. He did not quite know what to make of Kade leaving or being gone so long. This morning Kade jumped out of bed as soon as his alarm rang, got himself all dressed and appeared at our door. Here he is heading out to the bus stop.

We have really treasured our time home with Kade. It has not always been easy to limit our work in order to have one of us home with him. But it was SO worth it. We can't ever replace all those times spent just hanging out together.

Here comes that bus!! It's really time!!

Good bye sweet guy!

Avram's in Bloom!!

Spring is in it's full glory and is transitioning into summer. The days are getting longer, with twilight stretching off into the horizon. All of the perennials have made their debut, awakening underground and sending up tender shoots on which the rabbits like to nibble. The tulips are spent, their thick leaves beginning to wilt, the blossoms having dropped away two weeks ago. The bright, showy annuals have gone in and they are a splash of color among the sea of green. The trees are bushy and thick with bright green leaves.

This Spring has also really brought on the blossoming of Avram. He turned two April 7th and shortly after, we retired his "nuk" and he made a rapid transition from baby to toddler! I really thought that getting rid of the pacifier would be hard and painful. However, I followed my SIL Karen's advice and I took it while he watched and cut the tip off. I handed it back to him - he looked at it strangly and said "all done", handing it back to me. Of course, while we can never find one when we need one, he managed to find 3 of them, apparently hidden away in some mystery spots.

As soon as it was gone, his language exploded! We weren't worried but we did remark that he really did not talk very much. He had started a few phrases - "I wan a bite, I wan a sip, I wan a piece" but was certainly not talking like Kade was at his age. Now, all of a sudden, he repeats everything and talks all day. He is in love with trains and walks around the house all day carrying them - "my twain! my twain!" "I wanna look window" He saw a bunny outside of the window one day and now he has been searching for him since "my bunny!!, I wan my bunny!" When you sing him a song, he just beams! He gets this huge, silly smile with little curled up lips, big grinny teeth and chunky cheeks. He still loves his "blanky" and cries a really sad, tearful cry if he happens to find himself out of the house tired and without his dear blanket.

Kade just "graduated" from pre-school. I am really trying to spend as much time with him as possible before he goes off to school... for like the next 20+ years! Sometimes the sacrifices we have made to be home with them is hard but you just can't replace this time! He is hyper at times but ever charming and intelligent. He is loved by all of his friends who are always happy to see him. He loves his family dearly, especially all of his cousins. Loren and his family came to visit this weekend and he insisted on sitting down by the mailbox on the curve just waiting for them to arrive. He is looking forward to the new adventures that kindergarden will bring. We are still contemplating private school, mostly so we can keep him in half days and have the other half to enjoy his company. However, the cost might be prohibitive, I guess we'll see. For now, we will keep tabs of every cheery smile, funny joke and silly laugh!

A Pinch of Spring

Today was a pretty interesting day weather wise. Besides the fact that it has been way too cold for the last two weeks, it was a great little intro to Spring. The day was beautiful and sunny, almost 60 degrees. Really lovely but a tad windy. I have to say that I am grateful that we have had an extremely sunny fall and winter. We had very few overcast days which always feels better. While the days are still short, they have started to get longer. It is not too fun to walk out of work to a dark evening sky. But now there is still light, be it an orange glow and the sun has not yet set when I get home.

After mom's group and lunch out, we returned home to find that we could see green grass on about 50% of our lawn, the other 50% still hidden under mounds of snow. The roof is finally free of snow and exposed areas are starting to dry out. Since we live near the bottom of a very large hill, a river of melted snow water was pouring down the curb gutters out front, boring through the covered snow to make underground rivers eventually reaching drains. Both boys instantly ran down to check it out. They quickly became pretty soaked in ice cold water as they tried to create dams and locks to divert the water. Little Avram was just delighted to splash and trudge through the river. Of course, it did not last long. The shining sun was not enough to keep the cold out of little fingers and toes. After drying out and putting Avram down for a nap, Kade and I went back out - this time properly attired in tall rubber boots. We had fun floating little boats made of pieces of broken plastic through the hidden streams and watching them slide out at the other end of the snowbanks. Kade was so exhausted when we came back in that he skipped his usual long - book-snack-potty-story-bed-hig-kiss-another hug-another kiss routine and put himself down for a nap with just a smooch!

The warmth makes me itch to get back in the garden! We have already signed up for the CSA share again, this time for more, basically every weekend we are in town. Plus the fruit share and we are going to try the coffee delivery this time too. We have truly learned to eat seasonally and I am trying to adhere to that now. It is a bit hard to pass up those cucumbers or other summer vegetables but the fact that they are on the shelf means they certainly can not be local! So we are buying a lot of spinach and winter greens.

It is hard to believe that Avram will be 2 in less than 2 months. Crazy. He is really a joy and a handful. It is not that he is naughty, because he really isn't. He listens to what you say, he understands and obeys "no" it is just that he is SO busy! He is constantly on the move! He loves to explore and he loves toys with lots of small pieces. He loves to take them out one by one, arrange them, put them back. He still is not saying a whole lot but uses the following sentances a lot "I want some", "I want a bite", "I want a sip" and I was really suprised by "I want a hot dog" the other day! As you can see, he loves to eat and he will likely be a foodie like me. :)

We are back!

Wow. I can't believe it is October already. The last month and a half has gone by really quickly! Dan and I just returned from our fabulous trip to Switzerland and Italy. The kids stayed with Evonne and Wendy which was a real relief! We saw all these people trying to push strollers down crooked cobblestone streets or carrying babies in slings through the Roman ruins. We were very grateful to just stroll on through - to eat dinner out without worrying about the growing mound of food scraps under the table - to sleep without a little voice saying "Mom! The first number on the clock says 7 so its time to get up!" OF course, after a few days every child we saw had an uncanny resemblance to K or A and we imagined what fun they were having at home.

Since we have been home, I am still a bit in limbo - adjusting to from moonlit gelato strolls to preschool pick up schedules. We are back in full swing. Kade starts AWANA's on Wednesday, he is in preschool 3 days a week now, and soccer will begin in a couple weeks, plus Mom's group, church on Sunday, Dan still busy with photography jobs - life is busy! I find myself a lot more content though than I was this time last year and that feels good. It seems this is an easy town to get familiar with again. People are friendly, neighbors are neighborly, etc.

It is definitively fall, that is for sure. It is mostly still green and the trees are still thick with leaves but many have started to curl slightly, their edges just turning that familiar yellow and red hue. The days have been sunny and bright since we have been back but there is a slight chill in the air and sweatshirts are definitely needed by night. Kade thinks about Halloween at least 3 times per day, if not more. He is bonkers over any holiday involving candy. He changes his costume plans almost as often. So far he has fancied himself to be superman, spiderman, a mummy, a vampire, batman and a "dirty guy" which is apparently literally a guy who is really messy and dirty. We plan to go costume shopping soon so we will see what the final pick is. Avram does not really get a choice - the poor kid is the king of hand me downs. He will be an adorable bee thanks to his cousin Andrew.

Avram is every busy although he has sweetened a bunch. He is now finally full of hugs and kisses - be them brief - I will take all I can get. He still hates having his diaper changed and acts like it is a major torture. He is in love with water. He likes to splash in it, take long baths, make a water mess, drink it, whatever. On the last day in Florida, my mom was shocked to find Avram in her shower with her - just standing there. What a nut.

Language explosion

All of a sudden, Avram's language is exploding. For quite a while, he has had this little language of his own. He walks around the house babbling away -gebee, bebbe, hebedebee, goobybabby, goojee... and so on. He has used some words consistantly - mama, dada, brahber (brother), bahbah (bottle), ball, kitty. In the last 3 days, he has suddenly added picaboo, oh-oh, bahbee (pacifier), doggy, hi, more and cheese. (hee hee) He gets this big toothy grin when he matches the right word for the moment - he is so proud of himself.

He really is still a wild little guy. For some reason, he can not eat anything messy without completely smearing it in his hair. He literally massages whatever it is into his face and scalp. Whenever he eats pasta sauce - his whole face is stained an orangy red for the rest of the day and his hair slowly turns stiffer and stiffer after eating yogurt. He can barely sit still for a second - he is always going and going. One positive note, is that he has suddenly become slightly more cuddly. He is usually way too busy to cuddle. The last few days he has curled up on my lap at least twice a day for at least 5 minutes. Yes, it is still only 5 minutes but that is lightyears compared to his usual. So I will cherish those moments and steal all the kisses I can on those pudgy cheeks!

Ruby stained fingers

This morning we all returned with ruby stained fingers. Driving South from our house, it literally takes 6 minutes or less to be surrounded by cornfields and rolling countryside. It is lovely. We drove the short 10 minutes to pick raspberries this morning.

Now our own raspberries are starting to grow well but it takes about 2-3 years to have them filled with berries. Although, our lawnmower broke about 10 days ago and the back property had not been mowed for about 10 days prior to that - as we walked back there yesterday in the tall grass, near the corner of our property - I noticed a little plant right by the fence that looked awefully similar to a raspberry cane. (mind you this is completely on the opposite side of the yard where we planted our raspberries) Looking closer, sure enough, there were a few tiny green raspberries - must be a fall bearing plant. As I started looking around, the whole area is filled with small raspberry plants! We will be sure to select them out this fall so they grow back thick and strong next year.

Back to this morning - we arrived at the raspberry orchard. They had about 10 very long rows of beautiful raspbery brambles, all tied up in perfect columns. Kade has become very good at selecting ripe raspberries - he carefully studies their color and gives them a gentle tug. If they slide right off the center cone, he knows they are ready. If they give resistance, he leaves them to ripen and if they crumble in his hand, he knows they are past their prime. Avram, on the otherhand, relies on only one sense to detect the ripeness of berries - taste. Berry goes in, if it tastes good, he eats it - if it tastes bad, he spits it out. Repeat. He plodded up and down the rows, bending here and there when a red berry caught his eye. By the end, of course, he was caked in dirt mixed with red raspberry juice and we all came home with ruby stained fingers - and raspberries - Yum!

Needed Vocabulary for a mother of a 4 year old

No!
Stop!
Don't do that!
Good job!
It's bedtime
Ok, we have to go now, can you put on your shoes?
careful...careful...
please go back to bed..
Be nice to your brother!
That was sweet.
Why did you do that??
Kade, it is TIME for bed.
I told you to put your shoes on 10 minutes ago!
I'm serious, really.
Please don't.
Time to go
Come on
Great work!
Hello, shoes??
I'm serious, it's getting really late, GO back to bed.
Thanks for putting your shoes on.


Repeat

Little Guy on Big Guy!

Circus World Museum Baraboo, WI

Peas and such

The other day, Kade and I sat at the kitchen table with a huge bowl of shelling peas that we had picked from the garden. His pea picking abilities have increased significantly this season. He has learned to look through the vines, spotting those peas who's shell bulges out from the fat peas within. He has even learned the delicate art of picking the peas while holding the vine, preventing the tendrills from detaching - which would lead to fallen vines. So we sat shelling them, each pea shell yielding with a snap, cracking open to reveal the peas within. We scraped each pea from it's pod, placing them into a small bowl. One thing that stood out was the fact that all of the peas varied in size. Some were large and fat, stretching their sheer skin. Others were small and ovoid. Yet, mixed together they will all be sweet and Delicious additions to stir fries, soups and salads.

It made me ponder the fact that so much of what we have done, to make life "simpler" has in fact made it so much less satisfying. How much easier would it be to just go to the store and buy a bag of frozen peas! - every pea uniform in size, not varying by more than a millimeter or 2. How much easier than digging the cold spring soil, turning in the sunken leaves, planting those tiny peas, driving in stakes, erecting a fence, watering, helping the tendrils curl in the right direction, watching the sweet flowers emerge, waiting until just the right pea length and fullness and finally picking the peas! And now - sitting here shelling all those peas - of all different sizes - starting from a huge bowl - left with a small cereal bowl of peas to be frozen and a huge pile of pods on the table. Those pods will be tossed into the compost pile, sweltering and breaking down all summer, awaiting to be returned to the garden this fall.

It is important to me that my children be connected to the food they eat - that they don't lose all idea of where food really comes from - i.e. not a grocery store! We are really enjoying our CSA, eating such a variety of healthful, organic foods. I recently heard an author discussing how organic food is so much harder to grow because the soil must be cared for exquisitely. Yet for conventional produce, the "dirt" is merely an anchor and a medium in which the plants are fed artificially. Yuck! Although, it is so obviously true.

Those peas - all different sizes - also makes me feel grateful for God's creations and the diversity of our species. Even my children - so similar deep down - deep enough to have almost identical genes - and yet so different in personality, size. How we can all be so different yet work so wonderfully together....

Summer is coming..

We are finally in shorts and tees again. It feels great. It has been a strange year weather-wise. There have been powerful storms moving across the plains and the midwest. We have nights where from complete calm, the rain suddenly pounds on the windows and brilliant cracks of lightening illuminate the sky. Sometimes, they are followed by a little voice saying "can I sleep with you?"

Kade just officially turned 4. He is exceedingly proud of that fact and is sure to mention it to everyone and anyone who will listen (back to that whole talking to strangers thing). He is planning for his party next week which he is equally excited about. We hit several different shops, perusing the party plates, decorations and hats. Left to him, there would be no budget and a very loose interpretation of the pirate theme (one with Superman, Spiderman, SpeedRacer and whatever else catches his eye mixed in).

Our garden is still growing. The peas are clinging tight to their trellises - a good thing too as the wind is tumultuous today. They are about 3 feet tall and are covered with sweetly fragrant tender white blossoms.

The last of the radishes were picked today. They are packing more of a bite now as the days turn warmer so it is good they are done.

In their place goes my first attempt at sweet corn, an extra-sweet bicolored variety. I have just one 11 foot row of sweet corn, if it goes well, maybe I will plant more next year. As done by my ancestors, pole variety green beans will grow between the corn, using the sturdy stalks as their trellis.

The tomatoes and peppers are still pretty small, around 18 inches or so but I did notice the first tight, yellow buds beginning to open on the tomatoes. The raspberries have finally come to life and everyday their serrated, deeply veined leaves spread wider. The potatoes are also doing well, their foliage thick and deep green. I am awaiting the emergence of my newest seeds - cucumbers, watermelon, cantaloupe and winter squash. Soon that half of the garden will be full of vines, reaching tendrils out in all directions, searching for sun and a bit of loose soil.

Avram has really picked up on his walking in the last week. He plods along with ever steadying steps. When Avram was first born, his tiny toes slender and long against his wide feet, it was hilariously obvious that there was a very large gap between his 1rst and 2nd toes. Fresh from the cramped space of his previous habitat, he would stretch every inch of himself - including that big space between his toes. It was the subject of many jokes (many of which referred to his future ability to tolerate flip-flops.) As he grew older, his toes chubbed up like the rest of him, quite narrowing that space. However, now that he is walking - it is back. In fact, it seems to be quite helpful. As he plants that fat little foot on the floor, those toes just spread right back out again providing a sturdy little base for his wobbly body.

It is amazing how much fun it is to watch them develop, even when you have seen it before in another child.

Growing! Growing!

Our garden is growing and so are our boys. Today, up went the last 11 foot section of fence to support the growing peas. They are about 4 inches tall and their thin, little tendrils are reaching up to grab onto some support. The radishes are also on their way. The new apple and plum trees are in full bloom now with sweet pale pink blossoms with their lovely scent. The yard is dotted with tulips, all a deep pink color at their absolute peak. The blossoms are huge and showy on their long, sturdy stems. Kade and I picked a ton of ruby red stemmed rhubarb yesterday.

Today, we picked up our first box of produce as members of a CSA. For those who are not familiar, it stands for Community Supported Agriculture. Basically, we pay for a share of vegetables, fresh from the farm - all completely organic - delivered weekly to town where we pick it up. Kade was very excited to go pick up our firxt box. He really liked the idea of getting produce grown for us by a farmer. However, I think he misunderstood a little bit. Our pickup site is very close, less than 5 minutes away. When we arrived at the little blue house nestled in a typical neighborhood- he looked out the window and said "THIS is it??? This farmer doesn't even have cows!!" Hee hee. Apparently he thought we were going to the farm to get it. Never the less, our box was filled with the first bit of spring's bounty. It is still early so it is just the earliest of treats - -thick, fresh wild ramps, fat over-wintered parsnips, a big bag of fresh spinach, lovely chives and sorrel, rhubarb and sunchokes. Yum... I am already planning dinner tonight - Grilled New York Strip with a wild ramp - sorrel -mushroom sauce served with buttered roasted root vegetables - carrots, parsnips, sunchokes and potatoes. Deelish!

Speaking of deelish, Avram is now in love with all words that end with the sound "ee." They all sound vaguely familiar and takes a trained Mom or Dad ear to destinguish. He really loves to emphasize the "ee" sound and says that part in a quick high pitched voice. He walks around saying "dad-DEE" or "kit-TEE" or "dog-EE". The funniest one he says is "tase-TEE" (tasty) which now all food has become. He really stresses the "aye" sound on that one which makes it even funnier - he says "t-aaaye -STEE" What a cute little goof. He is currenlty on the mend from hand-foot and mouth disease. Poor kid was covered in spots! They are almost gone exept for the ones that were bad enough to scab over. Those few looked almost as bad as chicken pox! He is still a sweet little, tasty boy!

Ahh.. Spring

It has been so lovely outside lately. We spent the weekend hard at work in the yard and garden... trimming trees and bushes, raking out the flowerbeds as the cheery daffodils spring up to meet the new year. Kade and I dug a long trench in the deep black earth at the edge of our garden, next to the ruffling leaves of the returning rhubarb, and planted a row of freshly cut seed potatoes. Kade huddled over, carefully placing the potato chunks, cut side down, eyes pointing up evenly spaced along the trench. He plodded down the row in his bright yellow rubber boots with the potato slices tucked in the pocket of his sweatshirt. He examined the other end of the garden which contains three rows of peas and a row of radishes, peering down to be sure he couldn't see the trace of a new seedling. Our raspberry bramble is fully planted and we are awaiting the bare rooted canes to come alive. The tips of our apple and plum trees are fuzzy and pale, just waiting to burst forth with new leaves. The tulip greens are thick and strong and soon the bright, showy flowers should be brightening our yard.

It seems that the animals are enjoying the Spring as well. In addition to the usual plethora of bunnies and squirrels, the birds have been really active. They have been singing loudly, chattering and chirping away. Our yard is covered with chikadees, thrush, cardinals and robins. In the last week we have seen the mysterious red fox once. Two days ago, we looked up to see a large doe standing about 50 yards away in the greenspace, staring us down. She sat for a while, nervously deciding whether or not we were a threat and then she slowly ambled back over the ridge. This evening as we looked out the back window we saw a large tom turkey walking along the ridge, walking busily, poking out his head here and there with his long beard dangling below. He came back a few minutes later, seeming to be on some sort of important mission. It is great to see our yard coming alive.

Avram is taking more and more steps- he has gotten pretty adventerous. He is up to about 8 steps at a time. He has also been loving to spend time with us out in the garden - maybe a little too much. I have seen him on occasion dig in the dirt and then put his super dirty fingers in his mouth - dark, black dirt mixed with his drool running down his chin. Eww! And then - Kade and I were out gardening, Avram was next to us digging away in the dirt. I looked over, he was kneeling with a big smile on his face. He had a giant mound of packed, moist dirt weighed down in his little hands - the size of one of those extra large muffins - he smiled - looked right at me - and took a big bite off the top! Just like he was eating the big ol' muffin. The kid's a dirt freak! Kade was never like that! He never put anything weird in his mouth. I guess they are all different. Let's just hope these are boosting his immune system!

Birthday boy...2 small steps...

Our big one year old enjoying his birthday cake...

PRESS the arrows to play the 2 videos. (may take a few seconds to load)

Where Dreams Come True...

So I feel like I am playing catch up! We have had a really busy last couple weeks. We spent a great few days in Florida for Mom and Dad's 50th wedding anniversary. It was really nice and overall, a really great success. There was a big turnout and they looked really happy with it too.



We also spent a day at Disney World. When we left the house, it was raining... a lot. All, the way there, Kade was really worried that we would have to go home. Despite having the GPS in the car, we took a serious of wrong turns and each time Kade was equally concerned that we would not ever get to our final destination. Upon arriving, he was really anxious. His eyes got so wide upon entering the gate and he anxiously walked up to the first character he could find for a big hug. Soon after we arrived, the drips started to slow and stopped. The clouds literally parted and it turned into a really gorgeous, warm, sunny day. One benefit of the rain was that it apparently scared away a lot of people because the park was not that crowded.


Kade had such a blast. The first ride we rode was the "pirates of the carribean." He was a little freaked out. As he sat in the middle of Dan and I, he firmly held onto our hands, one on each side of him. He looked out quietly, taking it all in, occasionally flinching when a cannonball flew. When it was over, he was quite proud of himself. Since returning, he has told everyone he has met, sometimes more than once, about the ride. He really enjoyed all the rides. When he stepped off of the Peter Pan Ride, he said, with emphasis, "that was GREAT!" He really held on all day. While standing in line at the small world in the late afternoon, he felt a bit sleepy, resting his head on my shoulder. But, he kept getting new winds and lasted all the way until we left, after 10pm. He fell asleep in the stroller before we could even buy him his gift so it was a suprise the next morning. He just loved his new Captain Mickey Pirate, complete with pirate hat and compass.

He can't stop talking about disney, he loved it so much. He is already planning his return trip!

Family of Origin

We are getting ready to go to Florida in a few days for Mom and Dad's 50th wedding anniversary. I have been spending many hours looking at old pictures as Dan and I are preparing a pretty extensive photo slideshow for the party. It is not easy incorporating 50 years into 15 minutes! The end result, I can tell, will just be lovely and a great tribute.

Doing a project like this really puts you in a contemplative mood. I keep recalling a phrase. When we first moved here and I was lonely for familiarity, an older woman from church made the statement to me "I can tell your "family of origin" is very important to you." Indeed, it is, but I have thought a lot about that phrase and what it means. As I look at these pictures, they really are a life created by two people. Yes, there are other folks involved along the way but this whole, massive crew originated from just two people. So it makes me wonder when your definition of "family" shifts from what was, as she stated, "your family of origin" and becomes simply "your family", meaning you, your husband and your own kids. Not meaning that your extended family loses importance but rather that your frame of referance changes. I guess for me, I am still somewhere in the middle, still leaning toward the former. I have to wonder if being the youngest child, especially youngest by such a spread of years, makes that transition any harder, delaying it much longer. I have to think it probably does.

For now, I guess, I will continue where I am at.

I am sure the years, invlovment in the increasing complexity of my children's lives will eventually draw me in that direction. I am sure we are going to have a great time next week. It is especially nice that my whole "family of origin" will be there as my brother Loren and his family will be there. How nice! I think it has been almost 12 years since we were all together in one room. It will also be great to spend Easter together.

For the Love of Daddy

It really is amazing how the more time you spend with a kid - the harder it is for them to be apart. (at least until you are way out of sight and they have moved on to something more entertaining) Since Dan started watching the kids 3 days per week a few weeks ago, it is obvious to tell the kids are responding. Avram often looks at him with that baby love glow smile and cries when he walks out the door. Kade also doesn't want him to leave for more than a few minutes. They both love their Dad a lot.

Avram is cruising around the furniture very well now. He continues to let go sometimes and stands, wobbling for a second or two before he finds his grip again or falls, plump on his behind. He now says yet another B word "bath". As soon as we enter the kid's bathroom upstairs and the water starts to run, he gets really hyper. He crawls over to the tub, pulls himself up and literally jumps up and down. Over and over, he pounds on the side of the tub chanting "bath!! bath!! bath!! bath!!" until he gets plopped inside. He sits very well in the tub now, playing with the toys and grabbing the bubbles.

Kade is steadily learning to recognize more numbers and letters. He can't quite identify the letter with it's sound but he will get there. He is practicing writing his name. He still has not decided whether he is left or right handed which is kind of odd at this point, at almost 4 years old. He still seems to use them almost equally although he seems to have better fine control with his left. He uses his right hand often for gross motor skills and seems to kick with his right. I know true ambidexterity is extremely rare so he is probably "mixed deterity" which are people who can use one hand better for some tasks and the other hand better for other tasks. It will just be interesting to see which skills, particularly writing, is better with which.

We are getting ready to go back to Florida in a couple weeks. Kade is very excited to go to Disney World for the first time.

Back to reality

So the clock has started to tick again. We have been back home for about a week and we are finally catching up. We are very glad to report that Grandpa has been home for just over a week and is doing really well. I am a bit worried that he is almost a little too good! I don't want to see him overdo it.

Of course, our life is always going, going. We will be going to my brother Loren's house this weekend. Kade is excited to see some more of his cousins. Yesterday we were talking about going to see his cousin Seth which lead him back to discussing his recent stay at his cousin Wade's house. I told him that he might be staying at Wade's house for about 10 days later this year while we go to Italy. He thought about that for a moment. Initially he seemed excited but then realized that we would not be staying with him. He said he would miss us and "that is why that is not a good plan." He is so funny. What a goof.

Avram is really coming along in his mobility. He is now pulling up very well and can go from crawling to sitting to kneeling and back again. He is cruising around the furniture and often holds on with only one hand. Sometime, he actually lets go completely for a second before he realizes what he is doing. He has added one more word to his vocabulary so now he can say 4 words - Mama, Dada, Brother (bra-burr) and the new word, book. What a cutie!

I think I have lost my camera which is why there has not been many pics lately. When I get a chance Wed I need to search the toyboxes, couch cusions, etc. Here are a few HILARIOUS pics from Dan. Runway - here I come!

Good news!

My Dad did great. He came through the surgery like a champ! It was nerve wracking, sitting in that little room, having hardly slept the night before. It was such a relief when they called, the little white waiting room phone ringing, to tell us that the surgery was almost over. Even though I know all about this type of surgery, it still amazes me that humans have the capability to do such a thing.

We were taken to the ICU about two hours later to see him. He looked very peaceful as he slept in his anesthesia induced coma. It was next to impossible for me not to glance at every tube, IV line, central line, chest tube, foley catheter,etc and make mental notes of what was going in - or out of each one. We only stayed for a few minutes. He was able to be extubated within 6 hours of the surgery and was up in a chair an hour later which was amazing. After saying goodnight, I couldn't help but go back to squeeze his hand and tell him that I was really glad that I could be here for the surgery.

They moved him out of the ICU today to the cardiac step-down unit. He looked a lot better. He is even getting some of his fiestiness back! He even said that he thinks he feels better than when he went to the hospital. I hope it all continues to go well.

The Great Unknown

There are times in life when our superficial “busyness” of everyday just screeches to a halt – the day to day routine – preschool, soccer, work, etc. The sustenance of what is our lives can just fade away in an instant as other priorities come into focus. That is where I find myself right now, riding in the backseat of my parents car, no kids in sight, eerily reminiscent of years gone by on a trip I did not know I would be taking 5 days ago. We whiz down the usually clogged and congested highway, free of traffic at this still dark early hour on our way to Orlando Regional Hospital. My Mom drives and my Dad is freshly showered and shaven, I can smell the faint scent of his cologne from the front seat.

As a kid, it is so easy to see your parents as invincible and silently panic at the same time that they may not be. As life goes on, the invincibility starts to fade away and you begin to see time as it really is – how quickly it goes by, how life never quite stands still in the process. In a couple hours from now, my Dad will be lying on a table, his heart literally in someone else’s hands. I know the procedure and basically all the steps that will happen before, during and after the surgery. I don’t know if having this knowledge should be reassuring or terrifying; I guess it is a bit of both. When I see my Dad, he has always sort of been a Superman, a noble chief, an impenetrable force. Yet it seems that he has found his kryptonite.

Now we sit in the cardiac waiting room, dotted with men of a similar age. They are almost all donned in Velcro clad shoes and sweatpants, both of which my Dad would never dare to even think about wearing. We watch as they call his name, he walks off, stopping briefly to shine us a quick smile and a wave. We now enter the great unknown, the next 4 hours will feel like eternity while they harvest his vessels, open his chest – an amazing and horrific thought and carefully bypass the 4 blocked vessels supplying his heart. He won’t be able to lift more than 5 pounds for many weeks which makes Avram’s little 17 pound body seem enormous. It was so nice to see Kade climb up on his lap last night, giving him sweet hugs and kisses, watching him laugh at Avram’s antics.

If all goes as planned, we will be heading back home later this week. Hopefully, we will be hearing only good reports. I can’t stand to think that my kids might not have any Grandpa. They have already lost one and I want to be sure they remember this one. I know my Dad was not that thrilled (outwardly) that we came down. He can’t deny what a big deal this is, that we would put our life on hold. But I guess that is just the point – this is life. I would not be anywhere else. I am grateful to have the means and a job that allows me to travel. Even though I have chosen to live far that does not mean that I want to be distant.

So we will all hold our breath for the next few hours which really is the great unknown – how many twists will this road hold? Will it be smooth or bumpy? There is so much left for my Dad to do – travels, hunting, seeing graduations, weddings, even his own 50th anniversary. We can only put it in God’s hands now.

Sweeter than Sweet

This weekend Dan went to Las Vegas with about a dozen guys on an extended Bachelor's weekend for one of our old friends. He left on Thursday and he will be back tomorrow morning (monday). We have been doing suprisingly well without him, trying to stay busy. On Friday we went to the Children's museum with our neighbor Barb and her son, Joshua, who is 4. Kade had fun exploring the museum, playing with new toys. Avram just enjoyed watching all the kids running around. Afterwards, we went to get pizza slices on state street. Kade and Joshua ate their pizza while being very silly, of course. After sitting for a few minutes, the next booth was populated by a group of Madison police officers. They gave the kids some "junior officer" badge stickers which Kade wore for 2 days.

That night Kade and Avram went to my friend Catherine's house. They hung out with her 4 kids and husband while Catherine and I went out to dinner. She has three older daughters and one son, who is the same age as Kade. Her middle daughter is baby crazy and loved carrying Avram around, rocking him and giving him toys. When I got home, she was still carrying him around, keeping him busy. She sat down next to me with him. She glanced down at him and said to me with this cute voice, "Oh Lana" she said with a sigh, "he is just sweeter than sweet!" Of course, I have to agree. He really is. His hair has suddenly gotten so long and it is that fine and whispy sweet baby hair that curls when he is warm from the bath. He has learned to pull himself up on the furniture, grinning his 4 toothed grin, so proud of himself. Once there, he has to hold on for dear life and has not yet figured out how to get back down. So after he pulls up, he is happy for a while, exploring what is up on that coffee table but then he starts to bang his hands on the table and yell for me to get him down. If I don't come immediately, then he starts to wail. It is like a little cat who keeps climbing the tree higher and higher but finds himself too scared to come back down.

After church today, we will meet Catherine again as we are taking our sons to the Overture center downtown to see the play, "if you give a pig a party." Hopefully Kade will love it. Avram is going to hang out with the girls again. How nice! Kade will be happy to have his Dad back tomorrow. He has been sleeping with a picture of him on his pillow...

Our hot date!

So when you have two small children, there are not many Saturday nights spent away from home, taking your time, just enjoying each other's company. That's what we had last night, Kade and I. Dan had to get ready for a photoshoot today so he volunteered to stay home with Avram.

I took Kade down to campus, to hear a night of American Indian storytellers at the Wisconsin Union Theater. It is an annual event, hosted by the American Indian Studies program which is very strong at UW. In fact, the ability to attend cultural events like this is one of the big reasons we live here. Having my son identify himself as a Native person is extremely important to me, even if he is actually a big mix of races. So I had told Kade that we were going to go all by ourselves. He thought that was really cool. He told Dan he had to stay home because he was not an Indian. :)

On the drive there, Kade not used to being in the car alone with Mom, talked all the way there of course. He made a lot of interesting observations and as usual, wandered from one unrelated topic to another than found some odd way of connecting them. Like when he asked if Indian people ate Italian food? When told, yes, and they also eat Indian food he asked if bald people eat baldian food. What a nut! We reviewed the usual questions, like what tribe he is and what clan he is and why we are going to hear stories and why stories are only told in the winter.

We arrived and parked in the garage. Walking toward the Union on the theater side, the night air was rhythmically shook by the distant, deep bass of the drum. As we jumped up the slushy curb, we stopped to let Kade absorb the drumbeat before proceding inside. We sat frozen for just a moment, feet on the icy pavement, straining our ears but feeling the drum where it actually hits you, somewhere between your heart and stomach.

In the theater we found a seat toward the back and listened to storytellers from around the US. All were elders and told their stories in their Native tongue with translation. It was really cool. We did not stay for the last speaker, instead sneaking out to take a little walk around the union, hand in hand. We made our way downstairs to the main level, and I bought us some icecream. Kade picked his by the shade, of course. I was suprised to find out that he actually likes pistachio ice cream. We took our ice cream back upstairs, climbing the old marble steps, up away from the noisy clammer of college students and the live band playing in the rathskeller. We found some cozy chairs in one of the old, grand halls. It was relatively empty except for a few studiers. As we sat, we recalled the stories and talked about UW. I told him that I used to study in the very room we were sitting, which made him laugh. He asked if I could sign him up. I told him that he would have to go to kindergarden first.

With the last of the ice cream gone, we strolled back to the car. On the drive home we told each other how much we loved each other and what fun we had on our "hot date." I really relish times like this. Childhood is so, so fleeting and never again will he love me so outwardly as he does now. We have made some financially difficult decisions to stay home with our kids as much as we do but the rewards are immense! I can only hope to establish children with a strong foundation of love and security on which to become strong, successful adults.

After tucking him in bed, I laid with him, telling stories of our own and for once, I actually fell asleep right there in his little twin bed with him. On waking a couple hours later, I kissed his forehead and went off to my own bed. What a lovely night!

Watch out slopes! Here I come!

One of Kade's Christmas presents. He might need some practice!

Happy New Year?

So it is January and so technically, it is a new year, although it does not quite feel like it yet. Even though we spent the last few days filling grey bins with red ribbons, twinkly lights and colorful ornaments; even though our Christmas trees wait patiently at the curb for their less than cheery final destination; even though the TV is littered with commercials for exercise equipment for those short lived resolutions. Every indication is that it is New Year's but as I warm my 9 month old's chubby feet in my hands, damp and wrinkled from the bathtub, my New Years will be 3 months from now when he turns 1 year old!

It really does seem like our year began last April when we were blessed with our sweet dispositioned Avram. He was born the day before Easter, we had even gone to an Easter egg hunt that morning.


Shortly after he arrived, we sold our house in Chicago in just 6 short weeks when house after house was sitting on the idling real estate market. We managed to find a new house in Madison on just one trip, bought it and planned our move. We moved when Avram was just 2 months old and Dan and I both started new jobs! For me that meant, relicensing in another state, acquiring hospital privileges and learning a whole new clinic, 3 different hospitals and a whole medical system. Whew! Our lives really have been filled with tremendous blessings and equally tremendous stresses this "year". Each step was a true test of "give it to God," as he opened each door and traversed what seemed at times to be insurmountable odds.


As for Avram, what a wonderful baby to have when our lives were in such turmoil! He is the King of "go with the flow", even tempered, self reliant and always with a ready smile for anyone in sight. As things start to finally calm and we are finding our routines, he has developed a very strong mama attachment. He is at his rosy cheek happiest when slung on my hip. He does not really have stranger anxiety but definitely has the separation part. He seems to be fine after a few moments but it is often easier to pick up my little cling monkey than hear that very sad, remorseful wail!


So for the rest of our "year", I really don't have that much planned! We are still in recovery mode! Of course, we will be busy as usual and we will have some travels. We are looking forward to a trip to Virginia to see Dan's family later this month. We will also be heading back to Florida again in late March. We like to travel, however, after returning from our last trip, it finally felt like we were "home" when we walked into the house which was really nice.


Come April, when that baby digs in his cake with those short, fat fingers and scoops mounds of frosting into his mouth, we will also celebrate our new year! Kade and I will turn out our lovely large garden plot, the smell of damp soil around us. We will begin to transplant raspberry canes and strawberry runners. We will plant our cool weather seeds and watch the tiny pea tendrills reach up to grasp their trellis. Maybe we will even get some work done on our house!

Trouble!

And you thought I was kidding when I said he was into everything!







And for this nut- this is what he said out of the blue yesterday in the car on the way out to eat!

All I can say is that I guess he watches too many commercials! When we got to the restaurant he really wanted to say it to our waitor. We were hoping he had actually seen the Burger King commercial so he did not just think we had a bossy kid (even though we do :) ) He finally got up the courage to say it but then said it so quiet that no one heard him! What a goof!

I'll Be Home for Christmas

We spent a great week in Florida. What fun we had celebrating Christmas with our big family. Kade has adjusted pretty well to traveling back and forth. Flying is like second nature to him and he knows how to navigate an airport and an airplane pretty well.

It is really nice to see how comfortable he is with his family. He has no reservations when it comes to showering everyone with hugs and kisses. He also knows everyone by name now which is great. In fact, he loves to recite the names of all his cousins. He gets busy playing and wrestling and racing them instantly. He no longer requires any warm up time, he just seems to go right from where he left off last time.

Kade did a great job as a lamb in the annual Christmas play. He even sang Away in a Manger by himself. He did a fabulous job, remembered all the words, sang the correct melody and was actually mostly in tune! When he finished, everyone cheered and clapped loudly. He beemed with this huge smiled and jumped up and down, he was so proud. They asked him to sing it again but he suddenly got bashful. Of course, he was ready for an encore a few minutes later! This is a reenactment. Not as good as the original!

Little Avram was a sweet, wiggly, crawling baby Jesus who crawled to the manger. It was fuuny. He was so cute! He was really good while we were there and when we got home, it was really apparent how much practice he got in one week while we were there. All of a sudden, he is pulling himself up on the furniture, can actually crawl up steps and is getting into everything!! He also eats every crumb he finds on the floor, yuck! He has really tired from baby food, it has lost all of it’s appeal and excitement. He wants real food, basically whatever we are eating. He scoops it up with his fat little hands and it goes straight into his open mouth. Here is Avram pacing the airport!

We returned home to a real winter wonderland. Mother nature has been doing her work for sure while we were gone. This morning, driving to the hospital to do rounds, everything was so beautiful. All of the trees, bare of their leaves, were lined with a thick highlighting of fresh, fluffy snow. Branches of bushes lean toward the ground, weighed down by the weight of the heavy, damp snow. Our yard is littered with bunny tracks, their long feet having hopped here and there looking for a sprig of grass under the white. When the snow is everywhere, the scene takes on a visceral, quiet peacefulness. How I wish I could slip on my skis today and slip by the frosty trees! But alas, I have two kids in tow today, so we will have to enjoy the snow from the window today!

FYI- for anyone interested, I have changed the control on the comments so that if you want to add a comment, anyone can without signing in, just hit the comments link at the end of the posts.

The Gang's All here!

We had a fun weekend with my brother Loren, sister in law Karen, their kids and their granddaughter. (gosh, just writing that makes me feel SO old!) They came Saturday around noon, after driving through yet another Madison snow. The wait for them to arrive was just anguish for Kade. It seemed that he either asked where they were or ran to the door to check if they were here about 2x per minute. (which started when he woke up at 7AM).

We mostly took it easy on Saturday (and Sunday for that matter). Goes to show that we really just enjoy being together. We are way beyond needing to be entertained or kept busy. Loren and Seth donned our cross country skis and took a quick ski through our green space while Hannah and Kade sledded down our back hill. I did make a point to send Karen and Loren off to have dinner by themselves. We gave them directions to the Japanese Steakhouse to feast on Hibachi chicken, steak and scallops. It has been a challenging year for them and they really deserve some time to just enjoy themselves. That evening, everyone was content to hang out in front of the fire, sipping the new minty hot chocolate Karen bought on our brief escape to the spice store.

Malia (1yr, 4mo) was funny, keeping herself busy and snacking on everyone's food. She loved Avram ("beebee, beebee") and also loved to kiss him and hug him and unfortunately at times, smoosh him. By the end of the visit, he seemed a bit afraid of her and tightened his grip on my arm when she came near. Yet he still smiled his big, goofy, 2-toothed grin when she kissed his cheek.

Now, we had told Kade last week that Santa was planning to make a special trip to our house this weekend since we would be in Florida on the actual Christmas day. He has been quite concerned that Santa wont come to Florida. 1, because it is not his home and Santa may not know where he has gone and 2, because there is no snow in Florida and how in the world could Santa possibly think it is Christmas there. (Obviously Kade does not remember the global warming Christmases of the last 2 years) Here in Madison, we do have a very white Christmas this year. Last night, I had sent Kade and Seth upstairs just to put on their PJs but they were so tired that they climbed right into his twin bed and fell fast asleep! Everyone was awaken by Kade this morning announcing that Santa had, indeed come. Of course, poor Seth had to get up with him (at 6 AM) until everyone else could be roused after 8.

Kade had a lot of fun opening his presents and the joy was doubled as he had his cousins here to ooo and ah over his toys. Avram just took it all in but did seem quite interested in the wrapping paper on his gifts. Kade went through toy cars, the Candyland game (which he recognized instantly - kind of scary what marketing can do), not so exciting socks and underwear, some beautiful clothes from his Tia and cousins and a new sled. He was also quite patient as other people opened their gifts.

Finally, he came to his last gift, the one we reserved until the end. As he started to tear the paper of the long rectangular box, he caught a glimpse of what was inside. He tore the paper off quickly and his eyes lit up as he beheld his new plastic Winchester hunting rifle. It was just like that scene from a"A Christmas Story" as Ralphy beheld his BB gun in Christmas splendor. His new gun makes noises when you shoot it and pretend to load it. Loren turned on a hunting show and we all yelled "get him Kade!" as he took practice shots on wide racked big bucks darting through the woods, turning every few seconds to be sure we were all watching. I dont know if I have ever seen a bigger smile!

To my many eco-conscious, anti-violence and animal friendly friends this gift and probably this whole scene may have just made you faint. (obviously you have come back to if you are still reading this) Anyway, please know that hunting is just part of our blood. We can't help it. I guess it's a Native thing or a Wisconsin thing or maybe a Native Wisconsin thing! And I really believe that even if we tried to keep our son gun free he would just turn every stick into a gun anyway, just like in ancient times when our children watched our men bring home the dinner and tried to model that behavior with play bows and arrows. So, the best we can do is be sure he is only pointing it at animals and teach him to use it safely. (of course he wont ever put his hands on a real gun for a long time)

This weekend made me again grateful for all the things God has given me - a wonderful family, 2 awesome boys, a fab husband, a meaningful job and a roomy house. I realized at the end that I never had to wait in line for the bathroom. Even with 7 extra people in our house!! What a change from always having only one bathroom! Now things calm down (for about 2 days) and the we are off to Florida!

Little prayers...

Each night, Kade blesses me with a bedtime prayer. He is still picking someone each night to say a little prayer for after I say his usual nightly prayer. He picks his subject by himself. Tonight, his prayer was for his cousin Wyatt. He prayed, "Dear Jesus, please give Wyatt water in his hose" which is a good thing since Wyatt is a firefighter!

The First Snow of the Season

So we had the first big snow yesterday! When we awoke this morning, it was like magic for Kade. A thick, white blanket covered everything. On the drive to church this morning, we saw dozens of people out shoveling and snowblowing and the sort. We were so grateful to just drive right out of our warm garage and down our plowed and salted driveway. (we signed up for a snow removal service this year) In Chicago on a day like this, I would be outside with my shovel, scraping the mountain of plow packed snow and ice away from the tires of my car.

On the way home from Church, which we made out of the parking lot with a push from the men of our church, Kade could not contain his excitement. He made a constant commentary about how "when I get home, I am putting on my snowpants and boots. Where's my mittens. Hey, we can have a snow ball fight! Can we go sledding, can we go now, can we?? You can ride the purple sled and I am riding the green one. I am going to sled in my own backyard! I want to build a snowman! I will give him a carrot nose and sticks for arms.." and on and on and on... Mind you, it is only a 5 minute drive from church to home.

As soon as we got home, he got all suited up and rushed out. We had fun as it was not too cold. In fact, Kade was sad to see that some of the snow was already melting. He said "I might NEVER get to make a snowman" While Dan and Kade had a snowball fight, I grabbed my cross country skis and skied up and down the back lot of our house which stetches down several houses about 150 yards or so. It was fun. I hope the snow sticks around long enough to ski again for real.

Avram's new trick!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We just returned from a fun (and eventful) week "Up North." It started last weekend up in Door County, WI where my family has gone deer hunting every year as long as I can remember. I have been going almost every year since I was about 12 years old. We stay in an old hotel and since it is the off season, we stay cheap and pretty much take over the whole place. It is not uncommon to see us in just socks in the dining room or even see our kids in jammies in the lobby watching TV. The hotel recently changed owners and the new ones are willing to let us keep up the tradition.



That is really what this whole week is about, tradition, and it is so much fun to now share them with my own childredn. Driving up, Kade was so excited to see his cousins and explore this "Up North" place. The week starts with checking into the hotel and meeting up with everyone. The next morning, the deer hunting begins. Since we had lived out of state for the last several years, we have not bought hunting licenses as they are so pricy out of state so this is the first year we have had the chance to really hunt. Of course, with 2 babies in tow, it is not too realistic to think I would get out much.

I did have the great priveledge of going "out to sit" on Sunday morning. It might be hard to believe but there is almost nothing that compares to it; to sit, high in a tree, still dark, in 30 degree weather (or colder) and wait for the dawn in the middle of the woods. Walking out, the only sound you hear is the crunch of leaves and sharp snaps of twigs below your boots. In the dark, you can barely see the flags that lead you to your tree. Finding it, you make the akward climb up, up with your bulky snow pants, sweaters and blaze orange. You settle in and the try to load your gun as quietly as you can. In the silence, you are sure deer can hear it a mile away. As you sit there, the haze of the dawn begins to show as a slight orange glow on the horizon. Your ears and eyes, usually numb from the blare of TVs and radio, gradually become attune to your surroundings. You feel the gentle sway of the wind on your tree.

As the glow turns more yellow, you can start to make out the other trees around you, the gentle slopes and valleys of the landscape. As the sun slowly creeps upward, the silvery birch trees are the first to pick up the sheen of the sun. They begin to glow and then the papery bark burns white. They stand so tall,, bold and ghostly against the dark maples and oaks.

The sun rises farther still and now you can see the color of the remaining leaves. Lots of yellows and browns, a few leaves holding fastly to their green. The forest floor becomes a busy place below you. Busy squirrels and chipmunks dig endlessly, searching piles of leaves for one last acorn. Their activity seems impossibly loud, surely masking the deer that must be right behind me. But wait, what is that crunch, crunch, crunch! Your heart starts to beat faster, your finger becomes aware of the cold ridges of your safety button, your ears strain, the stock of your gun finds its way to your shoulder.. and you slowly turn your head to spot the big trophy buck behind you! Your eyes immediately go to where you think the big deer should be but nothing... then they search for the noise your ears here and Arrgh! Another squirrel! This happens several times during the few hours you sit there but in my case at least, it is almost always just a squirrel, or a chipmunk, or a turkey or a pheasant. Once, it was even a badger!

Now the sun is about a third way up in the sky. The wind is starting to pick up and you can literally hear it whoosh past your ears. Just as it starts to feel chilly, and your toes are no longer responding to wiggling around in your boots, you feel the warmth of the sun on your back. Ican just make out a blaze orange figure walking in the distance. I know it is time to go back to the warm hunting shack, fire blazing in the woodstove. I think I can even smell a whiff of woodsmoke in the wind. I unload and make the akward climb down. I may not have fired my gun, but I have gained some valuable time just thinking, praying, absorbing nature - time which is rare with 2 kids which made it even sweeter!

On growing up...

These days, Kade seems quite fascinated with the idea of growing up, or rather growing big. He keeps asking every day if he is big now? He says "Mom! I am getting bigger! I am almost as big as you" or sometimes even "Mom I am as big as that tree!" I usually tell him that I want him to stay little for a long time. He does not like that answer becasue he "really wants to be big"

However, we also talked about what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said he wants to be a "Daddy Policeman". He says he has a "good Dad" said, "he is nice to me" and that makes him want to be a Dad too. When we talked about him being Dad and having a new family of his own, he suddenly became very sad. He said "I dont want a new family", "I want to stay with you Mom". So I tell him, he can stay with me. When I tell him there will be one day that he wont want to give me hugs and kisses anymore, he firmly disagrees with me. Says he will "love me" his "WHOLE life." Since that discussion he still brings it up and want reassurance that he can be a daddy but not leave home!

Wow! It is amazing to watch a child develop from a truly temporal being. One who just feels the immediate and reacts to it to one with real emotions and feelings. What new parenting challenges lie ahead. I don't want to even think about all the emotions that he will experience for the first time. I know he can have so much joy and happiness ahead but then there is so many others to experience ahead. Argh, just think of middle school! I just wish I could shelter him from ever feeling pain or sadness or fear or lonlines or disappointment but I know I can't. I just have to pray that the Lord will give me the strength and wisdom to deal with it all, to help harness and divery those emotions into good. How to anchor his being in the serenity of God as the only way to have true peace.

For now, we will take advantage of all the simple pleasures that bring joy and excitement at a level that only a young child can experience - a twinkling Christmas tree, a happy, silly song, a forage through the library for books with colorful pictures, an extra high push on the park swing, collecting a bright red leaf.... And I will take every sweet hug and kiss I can get!

Go Avram! Go Avram!

I think the video speaks for itself!

Where is Mrs. Gates?

Kade is such a personable young guy. He gets really attached to people pretty fast. That's why it was kind of a shock when we got a call last weekend from the principle of his preschool. He left a message stating that Kade's beloved teacher, Mrs. Gates, was resigning after teaching at the school for 7 years. It was sad explaining it to Kade who really liked her.

We were not sure how this week would go but he did ok with his new teacher. He did say "I miss Mrs. Gates" when he got home on Tuesday. He was happy though that he got to be the "snack helper." He helped me make pumpkin muffins and proudly marched them in to school. He announced "I brought the snack" and handed the square tupperware of muffins over to the new teacher. Overall, he is doing really well in preschool. He is very good at counting to 10, and ok at counting to 20. He is starting to recognize letters and does it by linking them to people's names. He says "Theres a W for Wyatt, or an A for Avram, etc" Of course, his favorite letter to find is K for Kade!

And Avram - Whew! All of a sudden he is into everything and all over the place! The first twinges of sibling rivalry has emerged as Avram is army crawling all over. He wants everything that Kade has and wants to touch everything! Kade will take his time, perfectly lining up his little cars in a straight line. When all of a sudden, Tsunami Avram rolls into shore, destroying everything in it's path!

Kade still has sweet things to say about him like how beautiful he is.. BUT.. sometimes Avram is starting to test his patience. ..

PS - The pics are from a weekend hike through the Pheasant Branch concervancy in Middleton.